How Boudoir Photography Can Help Your Confidence After Divorce
There are so many beautiful relationships out there; partnerships where people elevate each other, and inspire confidence in each other. So by no means is this us saying to go and dump your loved one! However, this blog came about as we have been noticing - over the years - how many women come to us with an absolute new lease of life after separating from their partner.
It’s not necessarily that their old relationship was bad, it’s just that through being in a relationship that no longer served them, or helped them feel seen or desired, they felt their identity had become dampened. Then suddenly, though it is daunting and scary, a fresh start means they find a greater sense of freedom. They can do what they want, be unapologetically who they want, and do things because they want to, without needing to explain or justify themselves. And through this, they found themselves again.
I get such joy in working with divorcees. They always bring so much energy, so much joy, so much liberation. The common theme is always a story of rediscovery post-divorce, of remembering who they are - their likes, dislikes, hobbies, adventures and it is a joy to hear about it, and celebrate this all with them during their Boudoir photoshoot.
As you carry on reading, you will see the responses of lots of Divas. All of whom came forward as people who reconnected with themselves following a separation, and used Boudoir as a confidence boost and as a way of helping their spark burn that much brighter!
If you are reading this and nodding your head, please do get in touch about booking your Boudoir Experience! A Boudoir Session is created for empowering women; it is not only such a powerful way to celebrate how far you have come, but to mark the next chapter of your life with an empowering, joyful, daring and affirming experience that helps you continue your rediscovery!
Kayte
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
We separated in 2003, one week before our 4th wedding anniversary. We had been together for 11 years.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
I discovered I was free from him and I realised he had been controlling, to a degree. I was told I was fat and dull and lucky to have him as no one else would fancy me. If I wanted a night out with my female friends, he always wanted to know where I was going, when I would be home, who I talked to. I discovered I was able to do what I wanted - when and how I wanted to. It was freedom. I also discovered that people did want to talk to me and do find me interesting.
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
That I didn’t need to be browbeaten, I could do things which I’d previously been told I couldn’t do
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
The boudoir experience was a gift from my friend for my 50th birthday. I was 43 when I split from hubby. It was 6 years of my friend helping me rebuild my confidence in myself and I am eternally grateful to him. He is my best friend and we became lovers 4 years ago.
My boudoir experience was nerve wracking to start, due to my lack of body confidence. What really helped was Neill and Jo putting me so at ease, as well as the wonderful letter and compliments about me that my friend had sent to the team to show me. My friend - now partner - had been asked about me and whilst having my make-up done by Jo she was telling me about some of the things he had said. The best moment was viewing my photos and I realised I actually liked how I looked! I looked so sultry.
Karlie
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
We separated in June 2022 and we were together for 18 years.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
I got with my ex husband when I was just 15. We had our first child when I was 17 and our second when I was 18. I discovered who I was after our split because I never got to figure that out! We were together from such a young age and the relationship became verbally, mentally, emotionally and physically abusive.
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
I learnt who I was as a person. I worked hard for 8 months with multiple GP’s and therapist's and it helped me rediscover myself.
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
The photo session was the cherry on the top for me. Through it all, I found my strong-ass self! I remembered my self worth, confidence, self love, strength, resilience and happiness. I've had the biggest glow up and I just wish I done it years ago!
Lorna
When did you separate from your partner?
We were together nearly 4 years and we split last May
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
That I was not appreciated and was being taken advantage of. I realised that I didn't need to be with him to be happy and I was actually more unhappy with him!
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
I learnt that it is ok to be on my own, that time to myself is actually beneficial and I now enjoy having the bed to myself all of the time.
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
One thing I have always struggled with is that most of my exes have either cheated on me or left me for someone younger and skinnier, and that fed into my thoughts that I wasn't good enough. My photoshoot showed me that I am gorgeous, sexy and confident! All the things I thought would make me unattractive are actually what make me, me!
Mandy
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
We separated on the 4th March, and I applied for divorce on the 11th. (I don’t mess around! Anymore). We were together for 14 1/2 year and married for 3 1/2.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
I discovered I still wanted to have fun, be daft, laugh, go out with the girls and, last but not least, be seen as a sexual woman. Someone who loves to touch and be touched, to be cuddled and kissed; having someone snuggle up to you in bed in the middle of the night when you’re restless to help you go back to sleep. I wanted to spend my time with people who see me as a person, not just someone who does the cleaning, washing and organises the house.
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
I’ve learnt that I’m stronger than I think, that I can make decisions and do things for myself. I’m in the middle of selling the old marital home and buying a home for myself and my son. Not an easy feat at my age with no obvious income due to my health, but I’m doing it. If the will is strong, the way will follow. Some of the things that I have learnt were just forgotten over time, some of them are new. But everyday gives me a reminder than I can do more than just exist.
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
Hmmmm, now there’s a question! My first boudoir shoot with Jesse was such fun, I loved every minute. A lot of my old insecurities just flew out of the window and then doing my reveal with Jess was so emotional. I’m getting choked up just thinking about it now.
Those pictures made me feel like a woman, they made me feel sexy, they made me feel like I was having fun. They showed me that my old spark was still there, it was only just flickering but not totally extinguished, and that boudoir shoot provided the fuel to bring that flame back to life. Now the flame is a full on fire! The experience showed me my worth which is why I’d already filed for divorce before I came and picked my pictures up three weeks later. I’m 60 next year and who knows what the next few years will bring, but whatever it brings it won’t be boring.
Katie
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
We separated in February 2020, right before the first lockdown. We were together a year and a half.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
I discovered how much of myself I had lost. That I had a lot of myself to learn about and a lot to get back.
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
I learnt that if I’m losing myself for someone, they aren’t the right one. The right person would want all of me and more. They wouldn’t want me to lose any of myself. But also that I needed to want all of me too.
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
The boudoir experience gave me a confidence that I didn’t know I had, it gave me something to be proud of and something to hold on to on days where I couldn’t be fully me.
Jo
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
My husband and I separated in December 2021. We had been together just over 7 years, married just 2.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
I was devastated! Even though I was the one that called time. Especially when I found out that he was in a relationship shortly after. I felt like such a failure! I'd devoted myself to him and our relationship. After we split, I went into free fall. I dated constantly to find that affection and to feel desirable. Obviously, I wasn't ready for anything serious, but it was still all I wanted. These endless meaningless flings managed to make me feel worse.
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
After the last attempt, I went into therapy. While ultimately, I didn't like my therapist, (she ended up saying that it was my fault the marriage ended!), I did learn a few good things from her. My friends were my rocks. I only had a few, but their support and love kept me going. I ended up forgiving myself for the marriage failing, and acknowledging his part in it. I realised that I had tried by myself for a year to save it. I had to figure out who I was again. In the mess of it all, I'd quit my job too. So the only "identity" that had stayed the same was the mother/grandmother one. I needed to just be Jo. And believe it or not, looking through my album from the first shoot, talking with my friends, finding a new job and new confidence… it all helped.
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
I entered a competition with you guys in that messy time and won a spot. That shoot was done at exactly the right time. You guys saw my vision, listened to some of my story, and produced an experience that I will never forget. The artwork I chose was the Jo I lost, and was finally returning. This time she was even more confident, full of self belief, and no longer punishing herself for something that was not meant to be.
I've had another shoot since then. Not too long ago. And in this shoot, that Jo is truly back!! The team and the Boudoir photographer really celebrated me! The card I got sent afterwards is on the wall by my bedside cabinet, so I see it several times a day.
I'm now starting my dream job in a couple of weeks. I'm in a relationship with a guy who adores me, and treats me like I've never been treated before. But even if the relationship doesn't last, I know I'll be ok because I'm that strong, confident woman that you guys helped me to see. I credit you all the time! Without you guys, I never would have discovered this Jo, the one that was first hidden, then lost. As your note says, I am strong, beautiful, and loved.
Kelly
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
I asked for a divorce the day after my photoshoot because that was the final straw for me. He forgot I was doing it, made degrading comments, told me I was irresponsible for spending money on the photos, even though I never spent anything on myself. (He always wanted big purchases and I was the main earner by a long way!) We were together 23 years (married 13).
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
It’s taken nearly three years and two years of therapy but I realised that the relationship wasn’t healthy and was fairly abusive. I discovered that I deserve more; that people can love you despite not being perfect, and that your ‘flaws’ aren’t a tool to be punished with. I discovered that I had more time and money for myself than I had before. That I didn’t have to feel guilty for wanting time for me!
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
I learnt that I am a people pleaser, I want to help people sometimes at the detriment of myself. I am not sure if it has changed much but I am more aware. I realised that I don’t have to hate myself. Everyone has things they don’t like and I don’t judge them for it or love them any less, so if people love me they won’t judge me.
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
After the Boudoir experience it gave me confidence. Friends that had the experiences had partners encourage them. I deserved the same. I realised that I am not as unpleasant to look at! I did show people and the usual comment is WOW you look amazing! I realised I can do things that I never thought was possible ie book the shoot! I realised I am worth it.
Marly
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
I was divorced in 1st March 2019. Unfortunately I was living in the family home with the ex until the house was sold. We had been married for 26 years plus 2 years courting before that.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
I discovered, or rediscovered, that I was strong and competent. That I could handle pretty much anything life threw at me. I bought a bungalow that needed updating from electrics to moving walls - you name it, I did it! Just recently I’ve passed a Level 3 Management course. I had a lot of self doubt and was sure I would fail, but that was down to several years of being told I wasn’t bright enough to do anything. But I did it and passed with a distinction.
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
The biggest thing I learnt about myself was how much of a people pleaser I was. I never thought about putting myself first. This is still work in progress but I’m more outspoken than I have ever been.
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
When I had my boudoir experience, it was the most amazing day. It was terrifying because I was so nervous. I was still married at the time and he told me that I was sick in the head and needed to see a Doctor as I wasn’t right… This was all the night before the shoot. When I arrived I had puffy eyes, and I was more nervous than you could ever imagine. In the back of my mind, I was worried of the reception I was going to get back home but everyone made me feel so welcome and put me at ease. When I got to see the photos afterwards it was hard to accept what I was seeing. That day made me believe that I am a person who can do what she wants, and that I don’t need anyone’s permission to fo that.
Charlie
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
Departed in Feb 2014 - we were together for 18 years.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
Once away from him I realised that I had been suffocated and unable to grow at all, personally or in my career. I found my love of exercise again, I was able to complete my MSc dissertation and I just felt released and joyous - able to laugh again.
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
I learnt that I was so much more than I had become. It is a journey and I’m still on it. I’m still finding out ways in which I have been scarred by the marriage, but with each one I’m working through it and coming out stronger.
When we split it’s because I realised that in order for myself and our children to be happy, I needed to be strong and leave. Since leaving I’ve discovered just how strong I can be. I’ve learnt that to love and respect myself again.
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
I have had two boudoir experiences- both for different reasons. They first one helped me to see the me my husband sees - that I’m sexy and beautiful. The second that I’m strong.
Following a really difficult time with my mental health that required me to take 3 months of work I am saving for a 3rd!
Kirsty
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
I made the decision to leave my ex in early 2020, shortly before lockdown. We'd been together for 10 years.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
When I left the relationship, I felt like I had lost myself, and I almost didn't know myself anymore. The relationship was emotionally abusive and I'd been in it for the entirety of my adult life so getting out was terrifying, and one of the hardest things I've done.
The first lockdown actually turned out to be a very healing time for me because it forced me to process everything I had been through while the world was at a standstill. I got to know myself all over again, and figure out hobbies I liked, and new music to listen to, because I was able to do my own thing.
I rediscovered my love for life, that had been missing for so long and I had dreams for the future again. That led me back into education and part time study, and I'm on my way to having my dream job in teaching.
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
It might sound cliché but my biggest learning has been that I'm so much stronger than I think I am. I've never viewed myself as a strong person, because I'm sensitive and I wear my heart on my sleeve but in the past I never thought I'd have the strength to get through everything and get to where I am now.
Also I've learned a lot about healthy boundaries!
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
So I'd been aware of boudoir for a few years, and I always felt envious of the people who had the confidence to do it. I think I always thought it would be nice but I could never do that.
Doing the shoot last year really felt like the pinnacle of how far I've come since 2020. I don't think I would have done this if I were still in the same place I was before 2020. So overall, the experience was such a good way for me to mark this chapter of my life, so that I could see the difference in myself. I left that day feeling as though I could do anything, and it's inspired me to keep trying new things, and doing things I'd wanted to do but been too scared to.
Charlotte
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
We separated March last year after being together for 27 years and the divorce was finalised March this year.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
I rediscovered my smile and funny, quirky personality. I realised that I am really nothing like the person I had been made to believe I was.
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
That I am strong and can live a life that I want to live without guilt!
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
My first experience was my turning point, it was totally out of my comfort zone but made me see the hints of the real me that had been so deeply buried. I had my second experience exactly a year later just as my divorce was being finalised and the difference between the two shoots was amazing, I had been on such a journey of self discovery and DD had allowed me to see the potential inside of me and the confidence to unlock it.
Emma
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
I separated on 5th march 2021. We were together for 13 years.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
I found that I was stronger than I thought and that I am not worthless. Me and my daughter live in the moment when her illness allows.
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
The biggest thing that I learnt is that I was still in there, even under the years of negative comments from him. I remember that I can actually be spontaneous and fun like I was before. I don't need anyone else to justify my existence. Love shouldn't break you down, it should help you grow
Sophia
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
Its now been 3 years since I broke up with my last partner...we were together for 2.5 years. Engaged for the last 4 months and we had overall a fairy-tale kind of relationship.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
I had kind of fallen into this relationship straight after another massive breakup. Between both relationships I did a boudoir experience with you guys and it was an incredible experience. I definitely wasn’t at my best place but it was something I had never done just for myself!
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
After the break up, I had to learn how to take care of me. I spent all my relationship taking care of him and putting him first and it took a lot to learn that I have to take care of myself. I’m quite a private person when it comes to sharing my feelings and everyone thinks I’m quite strong, but I’m really not. I suffer just as much as everyone else. I was extremely judgemental of my body too.
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
During the breakup - which dragged on for a while- and still till today, I keep going back to the photos of my shoot. I see how beautiful I am, with all my imperfections. I see that even in the hardest of times I can be strong and take risks. Every time I see my photos, I remind myself of my self worth. They remind me that I am alone. It is better to feel happy and beautiful when alone than struggling with someone!
Becks
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
I separated 5 years ago, We were (and still are) married for 26 years. It was an abusive marriage but, of course, I’d normalised it because I didn’t realise that slowly he was taking away my confidence and power to make decisions.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
I thought my life was over when he moved out. I was evicted 8 months later with my 14 year old son from the marital home. I had zero confidence and was suffering with depression. I felt that this man had taken every bit of who I was. It took me two years to find me again! I changed my appearance and found a job I absolutely love. I have not had a Boudoir experience YET !! But it’s something I definitely plan to do !!
Jenny
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
I separated from my partner Jul 23, but was with him from July 2017, and we had our son in September 2018.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
After some serious triggers from my past, I sought therapy to support which uncovered PTSD and historical trauma from my previous marriage.
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
What I discovered through therapy is that I had been a functioning alcoholic since I was 15 years old. I basically had sleepwalked through life, tolerating poor behaviour and disrespect, due to not loving myself and knowing my worth.
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
The biggest thing from the boudoir experience was to invest in myself, love myself and accept myself for who I am. It woke me up from sleepwalking through life and gave me the power to become the best version of me, for me and for my children.
I’ve had another boudoir experience since my first one which has enhanced my inner strength and almost documents my journey in picture form. Each experience has got better! Having pictures done is something I’d never have imagined I’d do, always looked at myself as not being photogenic, but I believe this to be because of my lack of love for myself and self acceptance. Since having the Boudoir photoshoot, my life seems to be flowing and I feel present to all of it. I love my life and walk with a bounce in my step, which is a beautiful thing!
My energy is different and I’m finally the person I should be! I found Jen!
Hannah
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
I was in (what I thought was) a relationship for 3 months, until I found out he was just using me for visa purposes. Then he ghosted me.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
When we broke up, I cried as if someone had died. I realised I had to treat myself better - not through retail therapy but looking after myself mentally and physically.
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
I learned that I love writing and I am in the process of writing my first book!
Tracy
When did you separate from your partner? How long were you together?
I separated from my husband 2 years and 8 months ago, which was my choice. We were together, in total, 16 years before doing so.
You said that you rediscovered yourself after the split. What did you discover?
I rediscovered my fun, happy, sociable side. I became happier and much more relaxed and calm. It took a while, but I learnt that I had made many sacrifices for other people, often without putting myself first.
What was the biggest thing you learnt about yourself from - and after - the split?
After the split I came to learn that, though I am not used to being alone, I am much happier being alone than I was before the split! I have learnt that I am more relaxed and that I am a strong individual that knows where boundaries lie in the future.
If you had a Boudoir experience with us, how did the experience add to the journey of finding yourself?
The boudoir experience I had was years before my split and I hope to plan another as that one increased my confidence about myself!
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