From “I’m going through menopause…and my sex life has never been better!” to “I’m 41, perimenopausal and, what's sex?!”… The menopause affects everyone’s libido in different ways. Here’s what our Divas said about their experience.

Before working at Divine Divas my knowledge about the menopause went as far as “the menopause? Oh yes, hot flushes.” Imagine my surprise when I started learning everything. More than just hot flushes? What on earth is atrophy? My WHAT gets dry?!

However, the longer I am here the clearer it is to me how much we need to discuss the menopause candidly and there’s one topic that comes up again and again on our phone calls.

So, here we are.

Divas, buckle up, let’s talk menopause and, specifically, what it does to our libido.

Let’s start at the beginning: what is the menopause?

The menopause is the ‘time in women’s lives when menstrual periods stop permanently, and they are no longer able to bear children.’ It often occurs between the age of 47 and 54, however people can go through early-menopause, sometimes triggered by operations like a hysterectomy.

And peri-menopause?

Peri-menopause is the term used to describe the time leading up to the menopause, whereas menopause is when a woman’s period stop.

What are the symptoms?

The big hitter symptoms (i.e the most common) are

Irregular periods
Clitoral atrophy (involves the clitoris losing sensation and shrinking. It can cause sexual activity to be less pleasurable and even painful.)
Vaginal dryness
Hot flashes
Chills
Night sweats
Sleep problems
Mood changes
Weight gain and slowed metabolism
Thinning hair and dry skin
Loss of breast fullness

Practical stuff out of the way - let’s talk sex, baby

According to one study, ‘the reported rates of sexual problems in postmenopausal women are between 68 and 86.5% of women’. That’s a lot of women. Problem is, society is still a bit shy when it comes to women talking about sex, especially enjoying sex, so this topic doesn’t really get the time of day it deserves.

But, before we go there, why does the menopause affect our sex lives?

The loss of oestrogen and testosterone following menopause can lead to a change in our body and sex drive. It means that we become less easily aroused, and we’re less sensitive to touching and stroking which, of course, can hit our mojo a bit.

The other thing to consider is that the lower levels of oestrogen can cause a drop in blood supply to the vagina which affects vaginal lubrication, causing everything to get painfully dry and uncomfortable for sex.

Psychologically as well, the menopause can really impact our mood - and our body. Carol Vorderman, from Countdown fame, said about her experience with the menopause:

“I was lower than I’d ever been in my life. It floored me - absolutely floored me.”

And Carol Smillie, TV personality said about how the menopause affected her body:

“You thicken up around the waist… you just change shape… It’s like you almost lose your waistline.”

These are two individual experiences, but they do go some way to explaining why you may also feel less sexy too. Understandable really. Feel like crap + vaginal dryness + adjusting to body changes… doesn’t really add up to the art of seduction does it?

Treatments and remedies

I know it sounds a bit doom and gloom, but there are lots of different ways that women choose to deal with this. Whether it be more natural remedies such as exercise (to control weight gain and for those endorphins!) and eating certain foods (like those rich in vitamin D and calcium), or whether it’s things like HRT which treat the underlying hormone changes. Estrogen pills can help reduce dryness, and there are also things like oestrogen cream too.

Doctors also recommend shopping around to find the right lube for you (typing sentences like this are why I love working at Divine Divas) and also the importance of communicating with your sexual partner.

You absolutely DO NOT need to feel guilty for a reduced libido and there are other ways to feel intimate with your parter that does not involve sex. You don’t owe your partner sex and if it’s uncomfortable, it’s uncomfortable. It’s not just on you to go through it, you’re a team.

The other thing to remember is that some people experience a massive boost in their sex drive! The fact that you can have sex without any fears of pregnancy is a real game changer for some people. Take for example, celebrity Cynthia Nixon, who said: “The freedom that comes from no longer being fertile is huge.”

Breaking Taboos… What did our Divas have to say about our own experience?

It’s always useful to read the practical stuff, but as I said, a lot of women who come to us already know this stuff because they’re going through it. What’s often more useful is a bit of light relief that comes from hearing other people talk about their experiences HONESTLY, so this part is for you,

We asked our Divas in the Divine Divas VIP Group, “did the menopause affect your sex drive?”, this is what everyone said:

“My sex drive went through the floor until I got HRT!
“I had a high sex drive whilst on HRT but it plummeted after I came off it. I’m trying herbal remedies to try and encourage it back.”
“I’m going through early menopause and it’s not good for my sex drive………. It’s up and left the building. HRT isn’t making any difference either unfortunately. I’m lucky my soon to be husband is patient and understands it hopefully won’t be forever.”
“Menopause had no effect at all, I must have been very lucky and, although 10 years on, I do still have the odd night sweat and hot flush, my sex life hasn’t suffered at all."
“I’m going through early menopause following cancer treatment. Luckily my sex drive hasn't been affected but things like vaginal dryness and clitoral atrophy mean sex can be a challenge. I'm not able to use HRT and wouldn't risk locally applied oestrogen products. I have found a wonderful supportive group of women who have been through similar and they have been a great source of information. Using non hormonal vaginal moisturiser has been a game changer. I moisturise down below more than my face 😂 but it's made a massive difference. I'm in a relatively new relationship with a fella. He didn't know me pre-cancer so he's been thrown in at the deep end so to speak. Communication has been key (well that and lube!) .Laughter and patience mean that there are no complaints from either of us where sex is concerned."
“I had a major bout of depression that also, I now know, coincided with the start of peri menopause. My sex drive nosedived and never recovered. I just didn’t have and still don’t have the urge; mood fluctuated over my 40s but my sex drive didn’t return. So sex became a bit of a battlefield, and then the physical stuff started to happen , vaginal atrophy so penetration became almost impossible. And everything was much less sensitive so orgasms rare. GP spectacularly unhelpful. And due to misinformation around HRT, this was never an option at that point, after 15 years, finally opted for patches, and the difference was remarkable. No urge, don’t think that will ever come back, but everything now works as it should.”
“My sex drive decreased and it is now wiped out for the last 5 years and I am only 59. Pre menopause I had a very healthy sex drive. GP won’t prescribe HRT anymore as I had been on it 10 years and am supposedly at the other end (maybe GP should have a word with my body!). Now I have vaginal atrophy which is prescribed vaginal cream. I have found it a nightmare so continue to suffer…”
“I can relate totally!! Have just stopped HRT, it helped but not massively. The thing I hate the most is the weight gain. I have a belly now which I have never had previously and whatever I do it does not go!!! I have even tried the Keto tablets that everyone raves about! Well they aint working for me! I don’t get so many hot flushes but I still get them and my sleep pattern is not the same!! Joys of being a woman and growing old!!!!!”
“I am going through menopause now and I am finding it uncomfortable. Sometimes I am so dry it stings. My mood is up and down. I have hot flushes and I have good days and bad days.”
"I’m 41, perimenopausal and, what's sex?! Married for nearly 18yrs. Basically having a shit time!”
”I’m 48 and have been in menopause for a few years now, after full hysterectomy. My libido is off the charts 😂 All I get is the occasional hot flush. I'm on HRT I just hope it continues as long as possible lol.”
“HRT is a godsend. Felt awful before going on it.”
“I’m going through menopause having had a total hysterectomy in December and my sex life has never been better! I'm not sure if it's the release from the issues that the hormones caused or, if it's because I've started to discover my life again but so far it's great.”

Feelings sexy and like YOU during the menopause… This is where Boudoir comes in

We’re not handing out oestrogen cream or HRT, but we do see ourselves as a remedy of sorts. So many women have said that, with the changes in their body and their libido plummeting, they stopped feeling desirable, womanly or sexy. They stopped feeling like themselves.

You may not be having sex, but we can still bring out the naughty, sensual side of you so even on days where things feel, well, a bit crap, you can look at your photos and know that YOU are still there.

Of course, if menopause does the opposite and your sex drive rockets, it’s also a great way to express that and revel in that side of you.

The thing about Boudoir is that it can be what you need to be, and it creates the reminder that you need it to create. For a lot of women going through the menopause, the message they need is simple - You’re still you and you’re still sexy as hell. You don’t need to be afraid of any body insecurities, whether it be a changing waist or size, you’re still beautiful and maybe doing something as radical as a Divine Divas Boudoir experience will show you that?

And, more than that, I wrote this blog because I want everyone to know you can talk to us about EVERYTHING; whether that be menopause or your sex drive. We’re not shy about anything and we want this to be a space where you feel free and empowered enough to discuss how you feel. Sex is an important part of our life and it does and can affect how we feel about our body, so it’s natural to reflect on that with your Boudoir Experience.

A Divine Divas experience has an amazingly healing quality; it really is a remedy of sorts. I’m not even quite sure how it does it, but there’s a magic in this studio. Come to us and we just mind help you connect with a part of yourself you feel you’ve lost - it’s never really gone, maybe you just need to change your perspective. (See what we did there)

Did Your Sex Life Nosedive Because of The Menopause? Here’s What Our Divas Had To Say…