“I NEEDED to Find Me Again; That Fun, Bubbly, Take No Sh*t Woman That I Knew Was Hiding Under the Darkness.”

What is your name and age? Tell us a bit about yourself!

Hi, my name is Alicia and I am 32 years old. I'm a Mother to a sassy 11-year-old girl. I'm a little weird and a 90’s Goth Girl. I finally felt comfortable enough to embrace myself, rather than pretend to be someone I wasn't. I love the person I am now.

Can you tell us, why did you decide to book your Divine Divas Experience?

I decided to book my experience as last year I had a Breast Cancer scare. I found the lump after myself and my fiancé, Joe, had been intimate. Luckily it was nothing, but that didn’t stop the demons from rolling in like a big black cloud during the waiting times for appointments and results. I felt like my body had betrayed me. I couldn't even face looking in the mirror at myself anymore, and sex without clothes on was a big NO-NO. It affected my relationship with Joe as he is a big boobie fan - and I wouldn't let him near me. It also affected how I promoted body confidence with my daughter as I believe you should love the skin you’re in, and be who you are, but how can you love yourself when, in your mind, your body is slowly killing you?

I wanted this experience as I NEEDED to find me again; that fun, bubbly, take no shit woman that I knew was hiding under the darkness. I needed to grab that woman by the hair and tell her to get out from under the darkness and make herself known again. It's not good wallowing in depression, self-pity, or hiding from the world. I needed to find the spark that makes me, ME. So when I was thinking about wedding gifts that I can give to Joe, I thought I'm going to apply for this. Best decision ever!!

I applied for the competition thinking nothing of it, I can't even win a line at BINGO. I received a phone call from Jess saying that I was shortlisted to win the competition, and after an in-depth phone call, she said that I had won. I was overjoyed doing a happy dance in my living room.

Obviously, we have quite in depth phone calls with you before your experience! Do you feel that it was an important part of the photography experience? Do you feel it added to the experience?

The discovery phone calls that I had were amazing! They are such an important part of the whole experience, it's like free therapy. Offloading yourself to someone, and having them talk to you to find out who you are, is amazing. I found it quite difficult to talk about myself, but it soon started flowing and was easier each time.

Having a professional makeup artist work with you on the day, do you think this added to the experience, and what did it do for your confidence coming into the shoot ??

I have never had my hair or makeup done professionally before. Shannon worked her magic on me. I gave her ideas by making moodboards of how I wanted my hair and make-up to be done. She transformed me from plain Jayne to a beautiful sexy woman. The bubbly went down a treat too. It helped with my jittery nerves!

A lot of women feel self conscious about having a boudoir experience - knowing what you know now, what would you say to any woman feeling a little self conscious about herself and treating herself to this experience?

Every woman feels a little self-conscious baring themselves to someone new. It's a strange and thrilling experience though. What I have to say to that is no matter how big, small, fat, or thin, you are please learn to love yourself, including your wobbly bits, saggy boobs, and cellulite. The sooner you love your 'bad' bits, you can love yourself completely. The way I felt after the hair and makeup, after the photo shoot, and when I was viewing my ART… it was a little overwhelming, and emotional, but amazing. I laughed, I cried, I went through a rollercoaster of emotion. It was what I needed. I needed to see myself how Joe and others see me.

What was it like actually being photographed? How did you find the photoshoot itself?

I've tried before to take my own photographs, but it's awkward and uncomfortable. Neill was amazing. He made me feel beautiful and sexy. You soon find that the nerves dissipate, and the confidence comes out. Neill embraced what I wanted. I wanted bridal, but I also wanted dark, sultry gothic. And he also included my love of skulls!

Did this experience bring out a side of yourself? Did it help you reconnect/celebrate any side of yourself?

I've managed to find the spark in me again. I'm more confident in work voicing my opinions. I don't keep my clothes on anymore when I'm being intimate with Joe. When I received my artwork I cried. My daughter was with me and she said to me "wow Mum, you’re a sexy queen, SLAYY GIRLIE!!" which, in 11 year old, I think is high praise.

Obviously we know we’re an investment, but we believe that celebrating yourself is totally an investment worthwhile. Was it money well spent for you?!

The money I spent on my photo album was 110% worth it. How can you put a price on a feeling? You can't. For me, the confidence boost, and for digging the badass bitch I know I am out, the experience and my art - it’s priceless.

In years to come, when you look at your artwork, see the woman in your art staring back at yourself, what do you know you will feel?

When I'm an old and wrinkly Nanna (hopefully) I will be showing the pictures to my grandchildren and showing them the badass woman that their Nanna was. How beautiful and sexy I was. I will look at them with love and adoration.

Give us your best top tip for any future Divas! 

 Ladies, please do this, even if it is just once in your lifetime. Every woman should have that feeling of her heart swelling with pride when you see your artwork for the first time. If I could afford to come every week then I would!