“There isn’t One Aspect of My Life That My Increase in Confidence Has Not Affected.”
What is your name and age?
Laramie Garcia and I'm 35 years young 😊
When did you come in for your first Boudoir Shoot? What made you decide to book?
My first experience at Divine Divas was in May of 2019. I had come to England from Southern Texas in late January to stay with my fiancé until we were to be married. My husband is an aerospace and aeronautics engineer so I left my life in Texas to live with my husband in the city in which he was employed.
Moving 5,000 miles away from everything and everyone you know can be a bit of an adjustment, even for the most adaptable of people. I found myself floundering. I had so many life changes in quick succession and in this time I realised I didn't really know who I was anymore. I questioned if I ever really knew truly. I then did what many others probably do. I went online looking for answers and advice, and to mindlessly scroll Facebook occasionally 😆
Randomly I came across a giveaway for a Divine Divas photography session and thought to myself, "Well, maybe now I'm the kind of woman that does things like a boudoir shoot? I probably won't be selected anyway. What's the harm in throwing my name?" Not long after I received a call for a small interview and was selected and booked in for a session.
My husband and I at our wedding!
What did the first Boudoir experience unlock, or help you recognise in yourself?
There are many things in my life that I've always have been confident about. I know I'm kind, loyal, hard-working, and funny, but I had always been either severely negative about my appearance or was apathetic about it. I struggled with severe body dysmorphia, only to then catapult myself to the other extreme of complete disregard, all in the attempt of trying to be okay existing. Life was easier to live believing that I was invisible or no more interesting than a piece of mundane furniture, rather than believing I was monstrous.
My first experience gave me the opportunity to view myself through an outside perspective. No matter what friends or family had said or pointed out about my appearance, I was unable to change my own feelings. My first Boudoir experience unlocked a very heavy door; it brought me healing and the realisation of my own beauty.
Tell us - what was the moment you saw your photos for the first time like?
To be candid, seeing my photos for the first time felt confusing for a few minutes. It was a matter of disbelief in reality. It is quite a hard feeling to describe, but I imagine it would feel similar to happening upon a mermaid and having a conversation with her. What you think you know (i.e mermaids are mythical) is so savagely rocked by the fact that she's right there and chatting you up. You are seeing, hearing, and can touch something that you "know" isn't possible. Something that moments before didn't exist. Relating back to my photos, there was a beautiful woman in the photos and she was me! It wasn't a monster, lamp, or the invisible woman!
That feeling was then replaced with a sense of speechlessness as I absorbed this realisation, which was definitely a new feeling for me. I've always been known to be quick thinking, very verbal, and witty. 😆
You recently came in for a Goddess Experience, what was it about the Goddess Experience that resonated with you?
Ever since I had my first experience at Divine Divas I knew that I would be back at some point. I enjoy being part of the VIP group on Facebook and seeing what beautiful and interesting themes that the team designs. It was uplifting to occasionally see myself in a photo promoting the VIP group and getting to witness other women grow their confidence with their own experiences.
I had an extremely difficult time in life after my first session. Many family members experienced extreme medical issues, I also had many incurable medical issues arise, the pandemic occurred, I was diagnosed with autism and severe ADHD, my family experienced bankruptcy due to medical bills in the United States, and I embarked on healing myself from accumulated trauma that had occurred from a very young age. I put in so much hard work that wasn't overtly visible to an outsider. There are no trophies, certificates, or medals awarded to those who work to heal themselves in that way. I had soldiered on with things for so long in my life, but I realised one day I was no longer a soldier reacting to hardships in battle. I am a warrior. I bravely face circumstances with confidence, intelligence and strategy. I am to be feared and revered.
The word Goddess encompasses so much. What is a Goddess, but a warrior among women? A warrior of the physical, mental, emotional or philosophical? I saw the model call for the Goddess experience and both my heart and mind vehemently agreed that it was time to go back to Divine Divas for a session. This session and the photos would be my medal or trophy for everything I'd accomplished in the last five years. A reminder that I've conquered so much.
Confidence is a big thing - in fact it is everything. How has your confidence elevated who you are in different areas of your life - for example has this confidence affected your relationship or your career?
There is not one aspect of my life that my increase in confidence has not affected. When I spoke about my first session unlocking a heavy door that was blocking my confidence, I mean it - madly, deeply and truly. When your views are rocked and shifted, you realise that reality can be created by what you think. It helped me to stop, listen, and assess the actuality of things in my life instead of moulding and twisting them to fit my views and beliefs.
At 30 years old, I felt that it was essentially over for me. My circumstances in life, my health, my appearance, and lack of opportunities had ruined my possibilities for my potential. It was too late to be able to make things work or to have time to able to enjoy the things I attained if I worked towards them… Lies! Lies! Complete and total lies! My change in confidence gave me the ability to become best friends with my intuition. I learned to trust myself regarding all aspects of my life. Once I was a woman that would worry if an outfit was too young for me, would never go into a sauna nude, would downplay any talents or accomplishments, would hold back during intimacy, would never get married or have a happy relationship.
Yes well, old news darling, I've hurdled over those things more deftly than an Olympian in the finals! Now I'm happily strutting hand in hand with my amazing husband, dressed in my favourite colours, with my hair in space buns, heading towards the next adventures in life. Feeling cute, might even go to a nude sauna later! 😉
Through your journey with Divine Divas, how has your body confidence changed?
The change in body confidence from my first session to my most recent has be enormous. I've had periods of time in my life where I thought I was confident, but deep down I wasn't. I was only content in receiving approval from outside sources. One of these times, I was extremely ill and had lost a copious amount of weight. Due to my outside appearance people couldn't stop commenting on how good I looked, but I almost died several times. Fitting a generic mold of expectation mattered more to people than all of my work and kindness. It severely diminished how I felt about my worth.
My first session helped me confront the true issue. Confidence is not a feeling but a state of being. It's not only appreciating the stops in beautiful places in your life journey but finding the worth in the mistakes, delays, and uncertainty.
I used to not wear anything sleeveless because of my arms, or smile big because of my tooth gap. I tried to hide in large dark clothing and not wear swimsuits. I used to avoid occasions requiring the need to dress up. Now most of my summer clothing are vest and thin strap tops. I flaunt my muscular but thick legs in shorts and skirts. I wear deep beautiful royal colors proudly to enhance my natural coloring. I don't worry about clothing being "too young" or "too different." I appreciate me in any way that I can because I'm worthy. It's been an immense and priceless change.
What does confidence mean to you?
Confidence is the realisation that you are truly unique. No other person has or ever will be you, because they they haven't lived your life experience at the present time with the exact combination of qualities. The universe is a brilliant design of extraordinary proportions and you as a person are no different. Confidence is appreciating every aspect of your being and unapologetically following your joy and dreams.
What stood out or surprised you about this experience?
I think the most surprising thing with this experience was that I truly wasn't faking confidence. I could feel how much I had grown as a person in accepting my circumstances and myself. I wasn't bothered at all by walking around in see through pants and chatting with everyone as things were set up. The medical issues I struggled with (and the way they have changed my body) didn't hold me back from being comfortable in who I am. Only five years ago I would have crumbled in embarrassment and shame.
I also have to say that the dedication the team have to perfecting the sessions is impeccable. Jo is a champ for wrapping and holding wet fabric around me to get wonderful shots. Thank you very much for using warm water. 😁
How does your artwork make you feel?
My artwork is in our home office. Whenever I go in there and see it I smile to myself with satisfaction knowing that the woman in the photo is gorgeous, and has only become more stunning in the time since. It's also a lovely little pick me up when I catch my husband kicked back in his office chair just gazing at it with a smile periodically throughout his work day.
I can't wait to get my album from my most recent experience. The pictures were beautiful and I'm so excited to show my husband, even if this session was most definitely for me. A tribute to myself and all I've accomplished.
As you were leaving, we spoke about how women struggle to put themselves first. You mentioned how important you think it is that women learn to prioritise themselves - can you elaborate?
You cannot pour from an empty vessel. Women are taught by family and society that our greatest worth comes from what we give. Our value is not quantified by what we take and/or deny from ourselves for others. Pretty, skinny, wealthy, sensuality, curvaceousness, selflessness, youth and compliance are not taxes, tolls or rent owed for our existence.
We, as women, tend towards being in a nurturing disposition, whether that be for our partners, children, friends, clients or even colleagues. We do this from either a view of love, duty or both. However, can you honestly say that you are giving or doing the best for the ones you care for if you aren't at your best? We are the gears and cogs, the fuel and electricity, the switches and connections in the machine of society. We are absolutely irreplaceable. A Ferrari with no motor may look nice, but it's not going anywhere, is it? Even the most amazing of machines in the world need maintenance. They do not work without correct balance and timing. Simply speaking, if we don't maintain ourselves how can we have anything wonderful to give?
Do you have any last messaged you’d like to add?
At this point I believe I've said quite a bit 😆, but there is one last thing I'd like say. If in the end you are still struggling, please realize that the way you feel and treat yourself teaches others how to relate to themselves. Your daughters, nieces, students, colleagues and any person that looks to you for guidance and understanding will remember the criticism you give yourself. It was very hard for me to be told I was beautiful and that I looked just like my mother, when she would grimace at herself in the mirror and hide. I saw how she felt her weight and clothes dictated her worth.
Learning is not only accomplished through the spoken. How could her words to me mean anything when her actions showed otherwise? I implore you to heal yourself, if not for you, then for those you influence and love; because I highly doubt you would be as comfortable saying the things you tell yourself to a loved one. I endeavor to be authentically myself not only for my own well-being, but to leave a legacy of love for the beings of the next generations. Our power as an individual is immense and collectively we can reshape the world. I really hope you decide to join me in this. ❤️
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