Of course, no year can be totally without its pitfalls. However, what we can control is our perception. Even when it feels least likely, we do have a say in some very important things - like our positivity, our outlook and, crucially, our CONFIDENCE. Some of the most positive and confident people we have ever met in the studio are the ones who have been through the most; they help confirm what we already know - if you have confidence and a belief in yourself, everything else flows so much easier.

We can’t change the ageing process, we can’t change the fact that our bodies change as we go through life, and we can’t always change what occurs around us, but we can change how we feel about it. You can choose to feel noticeable, you can choose to feel like the most authentic version of yourself, and you can choose to look in the mirror and think: yes, that is me.

I’ve used both my training as a Neuro-Linguistic Programming coach (an NLP coach is trained to detect and work with the behaviour and communication of their clients), and my experience of working with thousands of women, to compile a list of tangible solutions which can help you start doing exactly that.

Accept Compliments

It’s a simple one - and probably something you have heard before, but ask yourself - when your best friend, or your partner, or your sister, or whoever, tells you that look nice, are you accepting that compliment or are you brushing it off? If you have a bad moment and say to someone “I feel unattractive” and they tell you off for being silly - what’s the first thought that goes through your head? Do you dismiss it as them trying to make you feel better? If the honest is answer is yes, it’s time to have a word with yourself. Your loved one is giving you love, and you are refusing to take that on. You are not listening - and it’s time you changed that. The cliche rule is a good one, you truly do “fake it till you make it.” Even if you don’t believe it at the time, just say “thank you.” Learn to sit with the compliment and entertain it for a few seconds. You may be surprised at how things start shifting in your mind after a while.

Compliment others - never, ever look for the flaws in another woman’s body

This is a huge one - for so many reasons. Many years back now, I set myself the challenge of noticing whenever I critiqued another woman’s body internally - and I was so shocked at myself. It was almost like, in an effort to boost my own confidence, I was putting down other women in a game of comparison. I would do it to my friends, my family, women on the street - and sometimes it felt almost instinctive, so I got strict with myself. If I looked at someone and felt that impulse, I actively rewrote that thought and instead looked for what I found beautiful in her. Years later, and I can genuinely say I never, ever, ever look at a woman and see anything other than her beauty. But how does this help yourself? In helps in COUNTLESS ways. The script and language you use in your own mind is a reflection of the guidelines you put upon yourself - if you free others from that hurtful perspective, you start granting yourself permission to do the same. Instead of instantly looking at what you view as your own flaws, you’re more focused on the parts of yourself that you like. It’s not about instant change - it’s just about having that second voice that is willing to evaluate any harmful thoughts that may pop up.

Wear what you REALLY want

Learn to enjoy your shape, it’s not necessarily going to be the same as you were in your 20's, but don’t hide it under a sack. And if you’re not sure what suits you - it’s your chance to play and explore. Professional stylist Natasha Musson recommends that in your 40’s is the “time to invest in higher quality brands for your wardrobe style. They will feel better and feel more sophisticated. And, in your 50’s, consider your colours very carefully and upgrade if your colour palate has been the same for years. Expand in fresh modern trending colours that highlight your complexion and don’t be fearful of top to toe colour.” She recommends for those in their 60’s or older, “spend more time on good grooming - spruce up your hair, skin and nails. Less is definitely more to have a polished matured style.” Ultimately, however, you get to choose what makes you feel good. If you want to wear a million colours at once, go for it. And more than that, I feel that a lot of people deep down know what they really want to wear. Women on the phone will often say “if I had more confidence, I would wear THIS top.” Okay, well…so… who stops you from putting that top on?! Go for it!! You may feel a bit self conscious first time, but the time after that, and after that, you’ll start feeling better and better. Changing your confidence is something you need to take an active role in - and you need to start somewhere.

Positive affirmations - put them everywhere!

Positive affirmations come from first of all establishing the self limiting beliefs that hold you back. Interrogate your own insecurities of yourself and flip them on the head. For example, if you don’t believe yourself to be very capable, instead of writing “I will be capable”, you write “I am capable.” You write this down - and you stick it wherever you will see it everyday. I have one on a post-it note on my computer at work. You’ll be surprised at how it filters into your subconscious. If you want to go that extra step, you can change your passwords to revolve around them so that you’re reaffirming them every time you type them. It’s not to say you will change your view instantly, but it does seep in. Choosing to feel like you have an active role in how you see yourself, and choosing to focus on the positive, is an incredibly powerful tool - as is proven not just anecdotally but repeatedly through studies like that of Cohen and Sherman who demonstrated that self-affirmations “decrease stress, increase well being and make people more open to behaviour change.”

Make your own fun

Something we speak to a lot of women about is that, as life changes around them, especially after childbirth, they feel like they lose their own identity. They feel like their own sense of self gets clouded by the obligation of being a Mum and wife and whereas they used to feel more fun and more spontaneous, they now feel a bit lost. I say this because I want you to know that it is common for women to feel this way - you don’t need to feel any guilt. However, just know you are not lost. The fact that you have less time to go out dancing or it’s less easy to make sudden plans does not make you any less exciting. The core you has not changed. It’s just about adapting to your current circumstances. For example, no, you may not be able to go out to a bar on a whim, but what is stopping you from creating a playlist of your favourite songs, putting on an outfit you love and having a dance in the kitchen? No matter where you’re at in life, you can still create moments that spark joy and make you feel like yourself. Be silly. Jump in a puddle. Sing a bit too loudly. Whatever. Just don’t tell yourself you can’t be the person you really are - because you can.

Be daring

It’s not always about having confidence, it’s about taking a leap of faith. There is nothing more restrictive than always staying within your comfort zone. Do something that scares you. Say what’s on your mind, chat up a guy in Tesco, book a boudoir shoot, start a new class. You don’t need to be the most confident person in the world to do these things - and I think deep down, we always know what we want to do really, it’s just about daring to be honest about it - and then matching that up with your actions. There will always be a reason not to do something, but sometimes you just need to say sod it.

Know when to be strict with yourself

This is a tough one - but sometimes we need to re-evaluate our view of self care. Often, self care isn’t about bath bombs and face masks, it’s about doing the things we don't really want to do or tell ourselves we don’t have time for. Sometimes it’s about giving yourself some tough love and knowing when enough is enough. Want that promotion? Well, go for it! Want to wear something but feel too shy? Who is stopping you? YOU ARE. Want to make some changes? Well, then make those changes. Sometimes you have to get tired of your own shit. It’s not about trying to change who you are but if you know that you want to look after your body more (in whatever capacity that means for you) - no one is going to come along and make that change for you. I know that life can deal its fair share of difficulties, but sometimes you find control in that by claiming power for yourself - and that is true in both actions and perspectives. It’s not to say it won’t feel scary, it might do, but at least you can say you did it.

It's far too easy to dislike yourself. There are a million pressures, from social media or otherwise, telling you that you should look a certain way. Don't believe them. You look the way you do and you are beautiful and strong for exactly that reason. The power of our own thoughts is incredible - let yourself be kind in your own thoughts, actively seek to perceive the world as full of adventure and vitality, and the rest will follow.

If this blog did anything, I hope it just made you check in with yourself about your own sense of power and autonomy. You don’t have to wait on anyone to come round and make you feel good, you’ve got everything you need right in front of you.

So use this energy and write a shopping list for 2022. What do you want to achieve? How do you want to feel?

Jot it down - and you might just find that the universe delivers.

Entering 2022 with CONFIDENCE: It’s time to kick yourself into gear