Disabled and Proud: Life Lessons From Some of our Strongest Divas
It's Disability Pride Month - a hugely important month at Divine Divas.
We have had the privilege of being trusted with so many stories from Divas with disabilities, especially how changes in health can impact confidence and intimate relationships.
These Divas are so much more than their disability; they are the people they love, the music they listen to, the colours they love wearing, their cheeky side that comes out in Boudoir... But something we've been taught is that it doesn't do to erase the fact of disability either - or the impact it can have on a life, and your relationship with your body.
So many disabled Divas have told us how they struggled to adjust after changes in their health, or to feel sexy after dealing with reduced mobility, or how they struggled to connect with feeling like their body was their own - and it's a fact that could be talked about WAY more.
To shine a spotlight on this topic we asked our gorgeous Divas to talk about their disability, and the way in which it has shaped their life and their body confidence.
We've learned so much from these amazing women and are delighted to share their wisdom. It applies to us all, whether we are disabled or not.
Rhia
What do you wish other people knew about how your disability affects you?
I have PTSD, EDS, Hyper-mobility, and I am hard of hearing. I look normal but I have my struggles and carry a lot of injuries, physical and mental.
What is the one thing that living with your disability has taught you that you would share with the world?
Don't always listen to doctors. Prove them wrong when it's safe to do so. Challenge their knowledge, you know your body and what is “normal” for you.
What has helped you on your journey to body confidence?
My boudoir photoshoot did wonders alongside therapy.
What is your favourite thing about yourself?
My smile is my favourite thing about me.
What advice would you give someone who is disabled or who cares for someone with a disability?
Love yourself enough. Do things for you. Treat yourself. Push your boundaries. Keep fighting.
What advice would you give someone who is not disabled?
Same as above. Love life and love yourself.
Rosey
What do you wish other people knew about how your disability affects you?
I wish people understood that every day is different. What was going on yesterday may not happen today. A good sleep does not mean a good day, and vice versa - a bad night does not mean a bad day. We don’t know how, why, or where it will happen. Even when we try to recognise patterns or pinpoint triggers, it’s so vast that we could differ in reactions every day. We go through medication trials which mess with our bodies; all we want to do is try and find a happy balance so that our body can cope but, mental health wise, we want to feel remotely human too. It can be hard to convey this all and to answer questions, because we don’t know what is going on ourselves!
What is the one thing that living with your disability has taught you that you would share with the world?
Living with illness honestly destroyed who I was, and it has taken years to realise that it’s not about finding the old me. I now have to mould a new me that copes and goes forward positively. I will accept that tomorrow may be different. It has taught me patience and an understanding of when my body and mind need kindness and quiet.
What has helped you on your journey to body confidence?
I am still in the process of acceptance and I think I will always be learning. I have gone from feeling very fit and healthy, to not being able to feel my body at all, not knowing when I’ll need the toilet or not knowing when I’ll be experiencing immense pain. It creates fear and anxiety, and I have just learnt to deal with that ladder of fear. To learn how to climb with tools is to empower yourself to live.
What is your favourite thing about yourself?
I have learnt to stand up and tell myself “I am good enough, I am worthy, and I will always be a queen, no matter size, shape or ability.’. I personally love my tattoos and will continue to add to them. My body is my story; it is beautiful and full of colour.
What advice would you give someone who is disabled or who cares for someone with a disability?
I have no specific advice, more that I’m here if you ever need to vent and I’m happy to go back and forth with ideas to suit their situation and share tools that have helped me.
What advice would you give someone who is not disabled?
I would tell everyone not to judge by how we look, as I often get told “I don’t look ill” when in reality I have endometriosis, MS and blood cancer. My advice is to have open ears - we will usually give indications as to how our day is really going, also to understand it’s not just us dealing with it, but that our close friends and family also need to vent and download from the stress of worrying. Everyone doesn’t get enough credit for getting through another day.
I also want to add that people with chronic illnesses should still have dreams and bucket lists! We still need to have things we try to do, and if it doesn’t happen first time then that’s okay. If it takes ten times, that’s okay.
Stacie
What do you wish other people knew about how your disability affects you?
I struggle with a damaged pelvis and severe nerve damage down my left leg. I wish people would know that I get good days and bad days; I can have a good day and still be in pain, it doesn’t go away.
What is the one thing that living with your disability has taught you that you would share with the world?
One thing I think it’s taught me is you cannot compare disabilities and pain. I don’t like the phrase “it could be worse, you could have” as if I’m supposed to be grateful for the pain I do have. Some people handle it better than others, so why would I try to compare myself?
What has helped you on your journey to body confidence?
Accepting my body as it is and learning that it and I are together in this for the long haul.
What advice would you give someone who cares for someone with a disability?
The advice I’d give is that they don’t always mean it when they get snappy because of things. That they hate feeling like a burden to you. And that they probably hide more than they show. And thank you for looking after them.
What advice would you give someone who is not disabled?
The advice I would give is not all disabilities are visible. There is no age restriction, mobility restriction or any other kind of restriction so do not judge. I’ve been told constantly I’m not disabled enough or I’m too young to be disabled.
Tasha
What do you wish other people knew about how your disability affects you?
My condition is called cerebellar ataxia. My disability affects my mobility, coordination, eye sight, and speech. Everyday tasks are more difficult and time-consuming.
What is the one thing that living with your disability has taught you that you would share with the world?
Living with my disability has taught me that we can do anything we put our minds to in life.
What has helped you on your journey to body confidence?
I am still on that journey!
Zoe
What do you wish other people knew about how your disability affects you?
With my lower right arm missing my disability is very visual and I appreciate that I may look awkward to others when I do/carry things and they think it’s more difficult than it truly is. I’ve become fiercely independent and, probably, a bit stubborn as a result because I’m always determined to prove I am capable, especially in new surroundings and scenarios - for example the school pick up/drop off and meeting new parents. I’m always overthinking how people are viewing me - being a quieter nature character I always believe people who don’t know me pop me into a disabled labelled box which means I’m not capable mentally when I absolutely am. I sometimes am in flux with myself though - if I’m having a low confidence day, there’s something in me that wants people to recognise and appreciate tasks are difficult even though I’m capable.
What is the one thing that living with your disability has taught you that you would share with the world?
It’s ok to ask for help because some of the things I struggle with, other fully abled bodied people may struggle with too. Having a visual disability makes you stand out in a crowd - I used to think that was a bad thing, but it can be an amazing thing too - inspiring others to get up and get on.
What has helped you on your journey to body confidence?
To know that my arm doesn’t affect my attractiveness - I do still struggle with this but when I hear the beautiful comments that people openly share with me, including how sexy I am it has made me dig deep inside myself and realise people aren’t just saying these things to be kind, I radiate a warmth and positivity that draws loved ones to me to share. I’m lucky to have a partner who openly reaffirms regularly the beauty he sees in me which goes so far to make me realise that for myself.
What is your favourite thing about yourself?
I love my smile, wear my heart on my sleeve and I go out of my way to show a warmth and love to make others feel special, wanted and worthy of so much happiness.
What advice would you give someone who is disabled or who cares for someone with a disability?
Mindset is key - be kind to yourself, allow your warmth, resilience and positivity to shine through and you’ll realise you are capable of more than you give yourself credit for - things may be a bit tougher but wholly within reach if you truly want it.
What advice would you give someone who is not disabled?
Disability affects people all so differently - I want you to recognise I have a disability but never assume what I’m capable or not capable of doing - listen to what I need and that might not be anything - feel free to ask questions and chat to me if you need to and also remember this disability doesn’t define me, there’s so much more to me.
Ellie
What do you wish other people knew about how your disability affects you?
I have Late Stage Lyme Disease, and I wish people knew that even though I may look healthy and able, most days I'm fighting some horrible symptoms. And that if I say I can’t do something, it's not because I'm lazy or using my illness as an excuse, I really can't do it. I'm the kind of person who pushes themselves constantly, illness or not! And I hate missing out!
What is the one thing that living with your disability has taught you that you would share with the world?
It's taught me to appreciate what I have (especially when it comes to health), even if it's not as much as I'd like, because it can be taken away so quickly and unexpectedly and then you'll regret not making the most of it. And not to judge others, you will never walk in their exact shoes on their exact path, so you cannot comment on their choices and life
What has helped you on your journey to body confidence?
Photoshoots like those at Divine Divas, as well as comments from certain loved ones that I trust to be honest and genuine. And reminding myself that my body is amazing no matter how it looks, it keeps me alive every day so love it!
What is your favourite thing about yourself?
Probably my resilience - or my hair!
What advice would you give someone who is disabled or who cares for someone with a disability?
Do not push yourself too hard. Show yourself some self love. And live life the way you want to/can, and not the way you think others think you should, their opinions really don't matter! Take it one step/day at a time and find happiness in the little things, even if that's just making it outside to sit in the garden for 10 mins with a cup of tea to listen to the birds singing and feel the sun or rain on your skin. Not all achievements are big! And regarding boudoir shoots: just f*cking do it! You wont regret it, and it's amazing to look back on when you're having a bad day to remind yourself that you are beautiful and badass! No disability gets in the way of that!
What advice would you give someone who is not disabled?
Be kind and don't judge. Live life to the fullest and appreciate your health. Love those around you whilst you have them, and tell them often how you value them. Don't take it personally if someone doesn't contact you for a while, they may be going through something and will most likely come back to you when they are ready. And do a boudoir shoot too! Love your body no matter how it looks, its an incredible, complicated thing and it's bloody amazing no matter the scars, lumpy bits, stretch marks and other imperfections!
Kate
What do you wish other people knew about how your disability affects you?
I have Functional Neurological Disorder. I wish people knew that the invisible stuff is often the hardest: the seizures look (and are) quite dramatic but the fatigue and the inability to go out, do things, see friends or just live a "normal" life are much harder to deal with. I think that's often true of everyone, whether they are disabled or not: the biggest struggles are the ones that you can't see!
What is the one thing that living with your disability has taught you that you would share with the world?
Well, I'm still trying to learn this one, but: your productivity doesn't define your worth.
What has helped you on your journey to body confidence?
My Divine Divas shoot! I honestly think that I'm still feeling the repercussions of that. It just changed the way I see myself and my relationship with my body. But also talking to so many other women. Social media can often make you feel like you're alone in struggling with confidence, but realising that so many AMAZING women also struggle when they're just downright gorgeous, talented and completely amazing puts it into context. I'm not a failure, just a woman!
What is your favourite thing about yourself?
The fact that people are able to trust me. At Divine Divas, it's a real privilege that women tell us very intimate things about themselves. Being trusted by people with such private, emotional things is something that I truly value and I am so grateful to the women who are able to be vulnerable with me like that.
What advice would you give someone who is disabled or who cares for someone with a disability?
If you're disabled, keep setting yourself goals of things you want to achieve, things you want to do for others and things that you want to do for yourself. Then find ways of achieving these goals. Know that we're cheering you on in the background!
If you care for someone with a disability, know that you are appreciated beyond measure and that we want you to put yourself first, even if you struggle to do so. It makes us happy to see you happy and we feel like less of a burden! So please do the difficult thing; be selfless and look after yourself!
What advice would you give someone who is not disabled?
Don't make assumptions! We can probably do more than you realise and we're probably struggling more than you realise. But most of all, we're still people with all the normal "people" things: good days, bad days, dreams, struggles, loves and hates. Get to know us just as you would anyone else!
Are you a Diva with a disability? Are you considering booking a Divas Boudoir experience with us? You might like to read Tips for Divas Who Are Navigating a Long Term Illness or Disability.
And, of course, remember you can always just book a call with us! We’d love to speak with you and answer any questions you may have.